so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
