saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize