Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
