I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
