fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am full of burrito and curiosity
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
