So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
