in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
