Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
