i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
