I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
