I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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