i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
