But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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