The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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