He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
time to smoke my breakfast
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
