That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
