Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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