You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
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