Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
