oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
