I hope mine doesn't look like that
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
