im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You are a genius and a whore.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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