i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
