sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
