My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
