3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You just made me feel so damn special
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
