toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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