a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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