Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
