hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
