my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
