Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
