Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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