I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize