i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
