Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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