drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
