We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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