please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
