I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
