Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
