Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My life is pants optional.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
