fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i was born a porn star she said
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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