ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
