there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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