i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
