I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Girls should come with a carfax report
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize