i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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