This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
