So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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