im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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