Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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