friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Congratulations! We have a period
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