Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
