stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize