What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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