I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
