end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
