My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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