Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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