he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
