I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
