he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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