I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
