wake up i wanna do it froggy style
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
