Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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