i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
