Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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