would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
