Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
