Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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