It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
