A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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