I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize