i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
