The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
