I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize