I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
