I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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