Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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