even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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