ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Randomize
