I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
