I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize