meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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