It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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