I will die if light touches me.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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