Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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