the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
