I cockslap morals
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
