Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
