Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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