like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize