Will you blow on my dice?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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