New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think people are normalizing furries
My feet surprised me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
