No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
