Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just found puke in my bra..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
