I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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