People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
