Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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