Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize