Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
