I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize