my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
