benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
two words: eviction party
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
