Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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