Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
