I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
