Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize