I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
