she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
